How parents and carers can help
Child centred play therapy and creative arts counselling work in a very unique and special way and your role is vital. Sometimes it might feel difficult to understand or know how to help your child but you have taken a step towards this.
It is so important that before you make a commitment to this therapy, you understand and believe in how it works. If you do not trust the process then your child will find it very hard to trust it too.
Here are some things you need to know, understand and believe in to give your child the best start in their therapeutic experience.
- Therapy must offer a safe, confidential space for your child. If you ask your child or comment to them about their session either before or after – for example ‘hope you have a nice time’, ‘how was it?’, ‘what did you do?’, this may set an expectation on how they should use their session, rather than them being in control of this. They might think they have to please you or the therapist and not be true to themselves.
- If you can, try to wait for your child to tell you, when and if they want to. This means you might not know what they do during the session. You need to be alright with this. This shows them that you trust in them and respect their choices and where they are in their process.
- If your child does share their sessions with you, please try to be supportive and accepting. They might tell you they played a card game or coloured for the whole session. To you this might not seem like a helpful way to spend the session and you might wonder if this is right for your child. This is what they needed and what they could tolerate in the moment and they need you to understand and accept this. Wanting them to talk about what you think the issue is or for them to get on with 'getting better' in the way you want or expect, is not how therapy works and will not be successful.
- Things might get harder before they feel better because difficult stuff is hard to navigate.
- Imagine if you were working through something really hard yourself. You might be ready to move on after the first 1, 2, 3 sessions, but you might not. It takes time to feel ready to even begin to explore something painful and scary. Initial resistance, avoidance or downplaying things is understandable and acceptable.
- It might be difficult for your child to accept or understand their feelings and that might show itself through anger, defiance, control seeking. This is your child's way of working things out. Your child might not talk about it but will play it through instead. Remember this is their language and that they don't need to talk to be working on what they need to. It's still hard and it's still scary and it will still take time. Trust the process and trust your child to work on what they need to work on, in their time.
- Your child might sometimes not want to come to their session or may show varied and sometimes more extreme emotions and behaviours, either before or after their session. They might have been working on or thinking about working on something really difficult in their session and they might be struggling with this. This needs to be understood and accepted by you and you need to support them to feel what they are feeling. Please ask the therapist for some helpful ways you can respond to your child during therapy and beyond, including validating, acknowledging and accepting their feelings.
- There are different stages of therapy and at each stage you may see or experience something different, as your child works though whatever they need to. Each stage may take several sessions to work through. How long depends on the child, everyone is different.
- Stage 1 Initiation. Settling in, getting to know the space, the therapist and the process.
- Stage 2 Resistance. Working against the process, barriers, avoidance and disruption as feelings start to emerge and feel too difficult to face.
- Stage 3 the Work. Acceptance of and embracing the process and what is needed to work through the difficult stuff.
- Stage 4 Termination. The process of ending the therapy, saying goodbye and letting go.
